Reading Allie Brosh’s latest post about depression was extremely difficult for me. While it was amazing and truthful and beautifully done, I found my mouse pointer hovering to close the tab. I read the whole thing, but there were many times I just wanted to click the button and go look at kittens on the internet.
Her recent experience with depression very closely mirrors how I was many years ago. Before this blog. Before I knew I had a way to reach people and entertain them. My emotions stopped working. I found it impossible to care about anything. Especially myself. I would interact with people who expected me to be “funny comedy guy!” and at that point in time I thought that part of me was dead. But I didn’t want to disappoint anyone. So I tried very hard to pretend to be “funny comedy guy!” which resulted in some of the most horrific attempts at humor ever known to this earth.
I put on the faces I thought people wanted to see.
But I’ve worked hard to get my emotional self back. My journey through depression is further along than Allie’s. But being reminded of that time brought me to tears several times. In the end, I’m glad I didn’t close the tab. Reading her story helped remind me how far I’ve come. It reminded me how glad I am that I stuck around.
Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh [website | facebook | store]